


Five Stages of Grief

by alveolates



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: M/M, POV Second Person, Short & Sweet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-24
Updated: 2019-01-24
Packaged: 2019-10-15 08:12:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17525051
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alveolates/pseuds/alveolates
Summary: For John, accepting his affections for Merle is a bereavement.





	Five Stages of Grief

I. Denial

He's rambling, about what-- you have no idea. An inane answer to a pointless question-- a throwaway, because you refuse to admit you look forward to talking to him. He speaks to you so effortlessly, as if he trusts you. The thought garners a frown. He doesn't notice. The only company you've kept in unmeasurable ages is this paltry, miserable creature. You've decided you've heard enough, and you kill him. You're alone again with your multitudes. Pitiful that someone, no, _something_ as powerful as you can feel lonely, or even anything at all. You haven't felt anything at all in so long, the brew of emotions stews uncomfortably in your gut. He was an amusing change of pace the first few times. You try to ignore that it has changed since then. He considers the two of you friends. Inconceivable, farcical, preposterous.

II. Anger

You can't stand to see him now. You appear in the same room, with the same sky, the same shirtless dwarf opposite you. You kill him before he can even take a breath.

III. Bargaining

Maybe if you never spoke, you wouldn't have to deal with your current predicament. He, as stubborn as he is, would have given up and left you alone. If you had only prolonged his dying, left him writhing in unforgettable agony so severe maybe he would be too cowardly to ever face you again.

But he's here again, and he smiles as if he's happy to see you.

IV. Depression

Though you are formless, you feel as if you are floating in space. He makes you feel human. You feel sad. You've been thoroughly reacquainted with the experience of feeling.

You never really liked human emotions. Now they make time drag like sludge, where before it was inconsequential. You're you again, and you're alone in inky blackness. You have a lot of time, and you spend it thinking about him.

You haven't seen him in awhile. You can't seem to find him anywhere. Did he forget about you?

V. Acceptance

You can't die without saying goodbye. For the first and last time you want to see him without any reservations. No knot in your stomach, no distaste on your tongue.

You conjure a beach. He likes beaches, he'll feel at home there. You want him to feel as comfortable as he can-- You did try to kill him. You have killed him, 57 times to be exact. He never seemed to mind.

He appears before you, weathered wood where an arm was, face littered with unfamiliar scars. Words stew thick in your mouth, an impassable stone lodged in your throat. It wouldn't be fair to tell him now. He probably knows.

You ask him to sit with you, tell him he doesn't have to say anything. The sun grazes the horizon, you know you'll be gone soon.

You're glad he's here.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this months ago but forgot to post it, whoops. Here it is. Shoutout to the Sad Old Fanclub.


End file.
